Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Back to Work I Go.

Maternity leave has flown by and this last week before I head back to work feels like it’s going by a million miles an hour.  The dreaded, awful day is quickly approaching.  I have stressed about this day since the day these boys came into the world.  Everyone told me I would.  Everyone said you won’t want to go back to work once they’re here.  I just brushed it off, I didn’t believe them, until the boys arrived.

I have always worked.  I got my first job when I was 15 and have been working ever since.  I always thought I would be a career woman.  I graduated high school early and got started right away with college.  I planned to be a nurse, then changed to forensics, then went back to nursing, then I thought I might be a paramedic.  And then I found motorcycles and EVERYTHING changed.  For the first few years of riding, it consumed me and I lost interest in school.

I am a busy body, so I knew that once I became a mom I would plan to return to the workforce.  Now the time is here and all I can think about is how I have absolutely no desire to go back to work.  Not because I don’t want to work, but because I want to be with my babes.  I am fortunate to have a job that allows me to work remotely from home aside from doing a few visits a day.  I am also so incredibly fortunate to have an amazing family that will help me and Jake watch the boys in between our schedules.

Even with both of these things – my boys with family and me working remotely – I still can’t help but feel like I will be losing time with them.  I have to keep reminding myself that they are not being taken away from me.  I now have to choose how to spend my time outside of work.  So my promise to them, my husband and myself is to take in every moment of being with them.  To work hard for them, but play harder with them in return.  To help provide alongside my husband so we can continue to live the lifestyle that we live.  To remember that it will be hard, but it will be worth it.  And most importantly right now, that they will be able to spend time with family who loves and adores them while Jake and I are away with work.

So to all of the other working mama’s out there, I salute you.  Whether you’re working full-time, multiple jobs, part-time or being a stay at home mom (which is a never-ending job), I know how hard you work for yourself and your family.  Moms are a different breed of human entirely, working hard and fiercely to provide for your family, no matter what the work is.

 

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February 27th

I thought I would be better about updating this blog, but alas pregnancy brain is at its peak and I don’t remember much of anything that I’m supposed to do these days.  Consider yourself lucky if I’ve remembered to brush my teeth that day…  Just kidding…  But really.  Pregnancy brain is a real phenomenon.

The last few weeks have been busy with regular biweekly-ish ultrasounds and also a fetal echocardiogram ultrasound.  The fetal echocardiogram is routine for identical twins to further ensure that there is no evidence of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome, a rare complication that happens when one baby is receiving more vasculature and nutrients than the other.  This was a really fun scan *insert sarcastic tone.  I was told when scheduling this could take up to 4 hours depending on how well the babies cooperated and how quickly the tech could identify all anatomical structures.  We don’t have the greatest track record of cooperating for ultrasounds as one of the boys typically makes it difficult.  And that was exactly the case.  They flipped sideways after baby A was finished and lucky for him, he then got scanned twice because they thought he was baby B.  The ultrasound tech was not shy and did not hold back when he told me, “Your kids are driving me crazy.”  We got some help from the radiologist who had to stop the scan at one point while laughing and stating, “There’s so many limbs!”  Once all was said and done and baby A and baby B finally each got scanned, we were pleased to find that all was well and no signs of any complications.    We get to go back for more fun at week 30 to make sure everything is continuing to mature as expected.

Today we had a routine ultrasound and everything was looking great!  Both boys again made it difficult, but we had our regular ultrasound tech who is fully aware of their shenanigans so we were able to get everything checked out.  Baby A (Gavin) is weighing in at 1 pound 5 ounces and baby B (Gunner) is weighing in a 1 pound 7 ounces.  Both boys are growing right on target and are healthy and very, very strong.  Gavin is on the left lower side and enjoys poking my bladder frequently.  (I’ve been told by my OB to drink 4-5 liters of water a day, so you can imagine how comfortable that is let alone being jabbed in a very frequently full bladder).  Gunner is in the right upper side and enjoys laying under my ribs and kicking his feet out to the left upper side.  They both make themselves known even though sometimes it is still hard to determine which one is punching/kicking me at which time.  I love feeling them move and have recently discovered that Gavin gets hiccups often.  It almost feels like a seizure in my belly.  Jake was able to feel them move for the first time the other night and that made my heart overflow.

I have been very blessed to have little to no symptoms/ complications the first 20+ weeks of pregnancy.  Even with two in there, my biggest complaint has only been back pain.  The last two weeks have been kind of different however.  I caught a nasty cold that then possibly turned into a sinus infection and has been giving me headaches for the last week and a half.  I’ve also been experiencing frequent heart palpitations and a high resting heart rate in the 100’s-120’s.  I was concerned about this and called the on-call who then had me check my blood pressure which was 155/98.  So up to OB Emergency at the UofU Hospital we went.  Thankfully all was well and my blood pressure went down some.  I don’t have any other signs or symptoms of preeclampsia and all of my blood work checked out good aside from finding out that I am anemic, which isn’t surprising with carrying twins.

If I had to say what the hardest part of this pregnancy is, I would say that it is all the mentality of it.  I have to keep not one, but two humans alive and growing.  I can’t say from experience that having a singleton pregnancy is easier, but carrying twins is hard.  Mentally, physically, emotionally hard.  In the last two weeks, I have definitely felt Pregnant.  I’m exhausted, I’m winded as if I had run a half marathon just by walking up the stairs, I’m feeling very whale-ish and I keep reminding myself that I still have 13 weeks to go.  But throughout all of this, I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to imagine it any other way.  I can’t imagine one boy without the other.  I am so thankful that this challenge is mine to overcome.

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I am normally a very OCD, type A personality, but I had to let go of that completely, straight out the gate.  I always thought I would have a perfect natural delivery and be able to nurse without issues. And I still might.  But that is out of my control.  I desire to have a natural birth, but if it comes to a c-section, I trust my doctor completely.  I desire to breast feed exclusively for the first 3-6 months, but if I am unable to do so due to unforeseen complications of a NICU stay or other issues, I will be thankful for formula that will also do an adequate job of nourishing these precious boys.

This is the biggest challenge I have ever had to face in my life and I could not do it alone.  I am so incredibly thankful for Jake, who is there for nearly all of our appointments and loves the boys so much already.  I have seen a side of him that I never knew existed and it has made me fall in love with him so much deeper that I ever thought possible.  I am thankful to have my mom and sisters by my side who have been encouraging and there for me at my times of need.  I am so thankful for my best friend who was pregnant just before me and is there whenever I have questions or concerns.  I am thankful for my family who are always there to help in anyway at any given time.  I am so thankful.  I could not do this alone.  They say it takes a village, and I believe that begins from the moment of conception.

We will get to check in on the boys again in two weeks.  I look forward to every other Monday more than any other time of the week.  We are looking forward to our first baby shower this weekend as well as maternity pictures!

Thank you for being there for us, whether near or far.  We are so excited and are only approximately 90 days away from meeting these sweet little guys.

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